i sit here all alone
all away from a single soul
i realize today just that
i moved so far out that my fears have taken over
i am losing my grip on reality
i am having really bad anxiety, higher than ever
another appointment with the good ole' doc in the AM
i dont know what this all is about
i dont know if the meds are screwing me up worse
or i just am falling apart right in front of my eyes
i am alone, i am single, i am isolated
i am scared, i am fearful, i am lost
what once used to mean the world to me
no longer matters at all, at the least or most
today i saw my son for first time in a few weeks
it was so hard as he doesn't want anything to do with me right now
"baby steps" i was told - when i did nothing to the kid
i have loved him so much from day one
and tried to do my own best
and now i sit here all alone out in country
so far away from reality that i am now scared
for my future, my personality, for my life
as the unknown future lies ahead of me and it scares me
cause i am not in the mental capacity that i once was in
not sure why so but here i am, afraid and have no one to embrace me
i isolated all my past friends, afraid of any new people in my life
a stranger, a friend, a partner, a nobody, or just somebody
luckily my very ill mother is there, but she's not here
i look around at my nice apartment that i loved now afraid to be here
dont know what's going on; but do know that i don't understand
i let God in and it didn't get better, did I fail him already?
the darkness is all around and fear is amongst me
d.
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