TV Movie of the Week

weakness, hatred
anger, guilty
lust, envy
revenge, lonely
tears, fear

Starring: d.

abducted @ 5
bullied @ 10
parents divorced @ 11
1st suicide attempt @ 14
a hit/run @ 16
cause me to fear driving
tried pot @ 16
broke into school @ 16
stole someones file
obsession overload
beat up @ 16
from the guy i obsessed over
raped twice, different men @ 17
which led to me hating men
and anxiety disorder
afraid of the touch of another
ran to best female friend @ 19
to hide from who i was and am
married her @ 19
went bankrupt @ 20
became a father @ 21
filed divorced by 22
met a stranger @ 23
never met him in person
moved him here
dreadful relationship
FedEx'ed him back home @ 24
2nd suicide attempt @ 25
i then gained 70 lbs
determination made me lose 70 lbs
joined Navy @ 25; failed
moved to the south @26
homeless within a week
gave myself to a stranger
rescued by another stranger
partied without caution
always to make sure no one would hurt me again
i was hungry
i was fed
i became a woman for fun
a new man came along
became yet another obsession
at the time
it became a fraudulant relationship
i ran more taking him with me cross country
what i thought was love ended in a new state
when it was found to be a comfort level vs. love
i was not in my right mind, or my left one
i was alone in a big city
a new drifter moved into my life
only to buy me my "dream"
which ended in a nightmare
i came home to face my past
to have a better present
and pray for a beautiful future
a year in bed 90% of the day
body pain, mental anguish,
fear, depression, bipolar,
poor, helpless, unable to work
time can be your friend and also an enemy
i learned more about who i was all by myself
than any therapy, friend or family could tell
i grew stronger
i became independent
shed those past layers
faced my rapist after 16 years
forgave him vs. vengeful acts
groin pain for 14 years has plagued me
no one can help me with that it seems
then vanished after an act of kindness
that no doctor could fix or thousands of medical dollars
newfound health issues attack me now
the dream is an illusion
a disillusion of darkness
clicking on screen names to find the next something
knowing i must face a world of being lonely forever
i met another woman, ended in yet another disaster
better off alone now i feel
moved back home to indiana to help my son
now i am here
pray i can embark on some amazing journies
once the medical and mental hearing is over
i hear it all the time

"you are so beautiful douglas"
"you have a good heart douglas"
"your eyes are so deep and peaceful"

you have no idea guys
that you can't touch
that you can't kiss
that you can't love
i am unloveable

i have to find my faith again
i have to find my inner identity
i have to find it on my own
but i am reaching out my hand
to any stranger
along the way
to help.

i just need a director and producer
and a cast...

would you wanna fill those shoes?