A smiling sunshine came my way
to wipe away the darkness felt so long
I became determined to find my soul
and find myself was the ultimate goal
I just wanted to start again and move on
but the physical pain and discomfort
has continued to ruined my chances
just as a newfound soul gave me glances
I been home a while now and still alone
I go online to have interaction with others
At the end of the day all I want is to be held
as I cry away this pain and the loneliness away
As I meet new people I put on a pretty smile
but inside the struggles are going on awhile
I dont want much about my life alas
But here I sit here and another year has passed
No progress in my present situation
I did make a huge breakthrough
With one of the people who ruined me
Forgiving him instead of being vengeful
Another test, another doctor's appointment
No answers yet I can't keep a job or provide
I just want to stand on my own two feet, literally
and have what I thought was rightfully mine
Instead, I am confined to this body that aches
The pain is a reminder that I am trapped with no key
How did I get to this place and this space I invade
When one thing is fixed another gets broken
I am thankful for my child, he's my saviour
Even in these preteen years, he's testing me
He claims he "hates" me right now for abandoning him
He's been through so much in such a short time
I sit here typing this not really knowing what i am saying
I have looked up above and hope to start again by praying
I have fallen once again, do I have the strength again
I have lifted myself up so many times but I am tired
I want to be held.
I want to be hugged.
I want to be loved.
I want to be the one.
I want to be a fighter.
I dont want to be a victim.
I dont want to be a survivor.
I dont want to disappoint
Myself.
My son.
Again.
And Again.
And Again.
Cause it's a lost cause...at least to me
the next months will tell more in my tale
d.
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