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what's wrong with me?
when did this all really start?
was i predetermined to be on this path?
is this what it's all about?
why have i come to this roadblock again?
when will i ever have a clear road ahead?
what's the purpose of the monsters in my head?
when all i want is to show the love in my heart?
i am a good person yet the demons take over!
mental, emotional, chemical inbalance, whatever it is
it needs to leave, pack up and leave town for good
but no it has to stay put and haunt me when i sit here all alone
i don't see any hope to a brighter future
i definately don't see a happy ending at this moment?
yes, it's the darkness talking, maybe light will befriend me?
tomorrow, the next day or next week i will write differently
but today, this moment is all i have and the tears tell me the truth
no matter what f*ckin path i take, or decision i make, or goal i make
all tumbles, crumbles and falls to the ground, even when the energy is there
sick of tackling all this on my complete own inside this body
i overcame a lot in recent years and in my life but i want OUT of this
depleted all avenues of help, my fate is hands of tomorrow, or next day
lack of motivation, determination, imagination all runs amock and leaves me
what's the real reason of the repeated falls i keep experiencing
i write to express myself, to get it out, but it's still inside
"you need therapy?" i hear, i go, it helps for a day, inner demons reside
i am so ugly inside that i know i will never be loved and have a partner
i know this that whatever time i have left will be alone
nobody ever will meet the expectations of what i want out of someone
as i am alone in my own community now with no one like me in that sense
this dr. jekyl and mr. hyde performance is exhausting, mentally
the actor doesn't want to work anymore inside and needs to retire
nobody can really say anythin to me to help, this is my reality, not theirs
not a soul could understand this friction inside my heart, mind, soul
no one.

d.