Identity

people who know me
or who think they know me
really dont
because only recently i have started to know myself better
meaning they haven't seen who i am becoming
or who i always have been but overshadowed by society
lost in my own pursuit of happyness
my identity is one that only i can know
others only have perception of my past
the last three years have been a doug-ology class for me
learning now more about me than ever
i do know now that i am not a label
not gay, not straight, not this, not that
i am me
i am douglas
i am not perfect and i definately know this by years of mistakes
living within this body which is slowly breaking down
has been a wild ride of highs and mainly lows
being single and becoming independent the last year
has molded me to have more time to myself to just see
exactly who lies within this body
the soul that inhabitats the shell we call our person
i dont really forsee myself with anyone in the future
honestly
i am a unique person and it will take a special person
to love me
to accept me
to complete me
i am currently not looking for someone who wants to be sexual
rather just romantic and sensual
boy
girl
man
woman
i dont know
for the first time i am confused
because at a young age i was told i was gay
and followed that lead later escaping to marriage thinking it was my real "out"
only to be dragged back into what i thought was what i wanted
but now i see and know what i want
i want a human
flaws and all
i want a friend
good and bad times
i want a companion
to enjoy the daily life
i want to feel
i want to experience
i want to live
so tired of this almost thirty five years of randomness
i want some old fashioned romance to ground me further
planting me in one place
to be there when i get home
the helpless romantic inside me
knows there is someone out there
but these walls have been up for so long
i need to take them down
brick by brick
day by day
to allow that someone to find me
and put the bitter hatred out the door
so here i am if you are out there
the door is open
just knock
ill be waiting