Thoughts, Ponders and Wonders

Three months, almost, here in The Sunshine State...has it been all glam and glitz? Nah. The truth is that no matter where this body goes, the mind still has to deal with the undealt with, the past, but while I am working on my present for my future to be better; I still have the battles within. Has Florida been a good choice? Yes. By all means, this place is a paradise of many sorts.

I have met a handful of great people in my life now that I consider as family, and met other acquaintanceships as well. I have seen many beautiful things including the sandy beaches of the Gulf. Just a simple visit to the beach can clear the mindset that may clog me on a negative day. I'm happy yes, but I have been out of work for almost four months and start my new job in just a couple weeks, then life will be back to the grind of the daily in and out of life; yet I will be happy for that because being off work for four months I have grown so bored with life even in the new city where there are many of things to do but yet to me, sitting at home, being online and watching tv and movies is just as simple as things can be. I like the simple life, no need to be out and about every night. Just do what makes YOU happy and quite frankly doing nothing at home is my kinda day.

Yes, I could have done that back home in Indiana, but there was no future of employment there, and I needed to be in an area where I could meet and create a family for the future. I am haunted daily by the situation with Chase, I thought I could be all big and bad and tough regarding the decision to allow him to return back to his mother, yet I am daily reminded how much I love him, miss him and wished things turned out so different. He hasn't reached out to me, yet I send him a weekly post card to let him know I think of him and love him so very much. I'll never stop.

Then came my cousin, Maurice, who moved here just a few weeks ago, which has been a great addition to my move. We will be getting our own apartment in the summer; while he is here it's been fun to laugh, and have someone I trust to hang out with along with the other folks I have grown into my family tree of Florida. I miss my mom a lot, she's dealing with her health on her own up in Indiana, and hope she can get to an even health so that she can come down and visit us when she's better.

End of the day, this is my life, I have been quite brave to move all over the United States since 2001 embarking on never ending adventures that has helped me grow as a human. Many people never leave their comfortable life in their little towns, and yet I ventured out and created so many memories I can even imagine from Houston, Los Angeles, and back home in Indiana. I wanted things and had to go out and make them happen, sitting at home in your safe life will not amount to much if you dont reach out and make things happen for you. You only get ONE chance, so make the most out of it.

Who am I even preaching too? Why am I even writing this, I just feel like I have things to say, that's why I Facebook and Tweet nearly every voice in my head that comes out, because I have all these words buckled up in my mind and I need to find my voice again and find my muse to let the poetry poetically be released from within and find my voice to type blogs/journals to just say it.

I have things that may never change within me, but I have come a long way, and literally I have people who judge me and think I am "this" or "that" but when in reality, that's their problem to cast stones at me when I am the only who knows the adventures I have had, the truths within and the goals I really want to achieve yet in my young life.

Not the greatest health within but I hope with this new job I can take advantage of the insurance and find ways to FEEL better, and explore so many areas of Florida in the summer and fall, to go out and MAKE the memories because that's all we have, are memories.

Until next time...bookmark me, I may have more to say, VERY soon...

d.